Had this feeling after ages to talk here again. Been evading me, this feeling, for quite a while if you ask me. Various reasons and consequences and all the rest of the jig that comes with it.
Whatever - Anyway, felt a tad weird today doing my first solo radio show. I mean I've been doing radio for a few months now but the butterflies in my belly today eversince David (my co-presenter) texted me to say he couldn't make it, were definitely fluttering about less than they'd done the time Adam had texted me out of the blue, asking if I wanted to do Livewire with him cuz guess why! The presenters had called in sick.
Well, my radio career definitely took off cuz some people had flu. God bless that virus! Remember being nervous as fuck that day though. I'd been on radio already, yeah, but that was me doing the news for Radio Cardiff and that shit was pre-recorded. This was live.
Remember walking into the studio completely drenched and soaking wet; good old British weather eh? As unpredicitible as my head. Adam tried to kill the butterflies in my belly by stealing some coffee, sugar and milk (pretty much the stuff you need to make a cuppa) from the library staff cabinet, and telling me this was no big deal and to just start talking when the 'On Air' sign went on. That day was special to me for more reasons than just that; incidentally it's one of the things that still haunts me.
Anyway, so today I shouldn't have felt nervous and I didn't to be honest. I've already been doing this gig with David for months now but that's the thing - I've been doing it with him. He normally handles the controls cuz well, he's generally the guy who gets all the research material in disks. Stuff like interviews with people he's spoken to and recorded verbal diaries about the place we're focussing on. I've basically just handled the Presenter table controls and kept an eye on the levels and stuff. Him not making it meant me was gonna have to forget about doing a piece on any heritage site; which we generally base our show on. I figured it'll be better to make it a more playlisted show today BUT it still meant I was gonna have to control everything. Fuck!
Got into the studio, and fuckin hell! Any doubts I had whatsoever disappeared in thin air. The presenter desk feels more like home now and the mic - I remember cuddling it when we did our first show back from christmas. Had the studio to myself and it actually went quite surprisingly well - well, for doing an hour long show for the first time on your own it did.
Did have a few hicoughs though. The first track I played, after that I planned to intro the show, explain dave's absence so on so forth. But the software we use is temperamental and it showed. I'd put a stop command after the track but the fucker jumped that and on to the next track! Right in the middle of me doing the intro.
Bless the free Metro newspapers we get in Britain, filled with celeb gossip. That's what I filled up the spaces in between the songs and I have to say some of the tracks played were GOOD.
After me, other fellas were supposed to come in for their show 'Sports Hour'. I keep forgetting their name every week mind, every week they come in and every single week I ask them their name and show name to intro that right at the end of ours. Talk about Amnesia! Big Fuckin Huge Time!
I was actually halfway through talking about 'Scissor Sisters' when they popped their heads through the glass window; well not literally, I mean they peeped through it and I saw them so instinctively I cut through what I was saying and ran into a track, so I could let them in.
Seconds later I realised, I'd abruptly ended my own speech and hit a track. Not good Radio DJing at all! Ohh well, apart from that and a couple other occasions when i accidentally got tongue tied and ended up blurbing instead of speaking, think I pulled off a decent job at least.
The fellas came in and said, "Jesus, just you is it?" I said, "Yeah, Dave had something come up so couldn't make it. Err, what's your names again, I need to intro you into the show."
Fuck! I've forgotten it again! Gonna have to do the ritual again next week.
But that does not mean I had a great day. Day's been pretty ordinary. Yet to do a cracking show on radio that's gonna make me go, "Whoa Ab! Nice work dude!", and the rest of it was as bad as any - Untill Now.
Just been given some news and though I can't explain why, but I feel kindda something like happy, at least pretty pretty close to it. It isn't about me mind, but about someone I love a lot anyway, so guess it means I'm happy for that person. Looking furiously forward to it, is the right expression to be honest. Just had a cigarette to let it settle in. Not gonna say what it is but let's just say - for the first time in ages, I don't feel like fisting the wall or tearing myself open. Neither do I feel bitter as fuck. For the moment, I don't.
Now, that's something innit?
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